if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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