i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
