hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't notice because vodka
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
