I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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