cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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