my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am in a vortex of obligation.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
