How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my poor anus
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
