So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
