Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
