Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
