my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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