She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know her cup size but not her name....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
