I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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