AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
