He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
