I wish I could teleport
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
