Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
