I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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