I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
