I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
