they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
