I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
