The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
