I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
