my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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