I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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