fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
