drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize