I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
