What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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