she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
