we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
