Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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