When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
