All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
