She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
