3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
