i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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