One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
