I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
