Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
