she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Welp...herpes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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