8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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