Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
