I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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