Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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