Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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