She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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