we have officially lost it.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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