Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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