It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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