Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
