Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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