If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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