I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
