Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
