smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
