I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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