Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
