You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
