two words: eviction party
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
