I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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