Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
