I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
