conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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