Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
