You're a womanizer and a bitch.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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