I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
