There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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