the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
