I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
