Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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