My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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