yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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