At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
