New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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