I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we're so committed to being not committed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
