it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
