I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
