Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
