i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
