There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the day after is always just damage control
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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