I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
