It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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