Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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