he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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